What About Me, God?

Hey friends! 2019 crushed my world. I don't want to elaborate because I do not want this post to be about me because I know I was not alone. I am not the only one who has experienced hardships and pain and believed God is not fair. Despite serving and following Jesus, striving to be righteous and honor Him, I am not the only one who has felt betrayed and angry. I reflected and resonated with Psalm 73, so I decided to paraphrase and re-word it in a way that may resonate with you today.

A Paraphrase Of Psalm 73

Truly God is good to those who love Him and whose heart is pure.

But my foot slipped, and I almost fell down, I almost gave up. I wanted to turn away from God, I refused to pray to Him out of anger. I wanted to hate Him and leave Him because I saw the prosperity of those who live selfishly and do not honor God.

I watch as other people glorify themselves and yet God gives them what they want. I watch as good things happen to bad people, and it's just not fair. What about me? Why is it that I keep myself pure, I live righteously, I love Jesus with all my heart, and my reward is agony.

Why do you not honor my sacrifice? Is all of my service for nothing? Every morning brings me pain. I receive trouble all day long.

If I had said out loud what I actually thought, other believers would brand me a heretic and crucify me. I cannot deny that You exist, I have seen too much to be persuaded otherwise. But I want to hate you, I fight to not pray to you, I want to give you the silent treatment. But I need you. Why can't I just be like those who hate You and just say you don't exist? I want to understand why the selfish prosper, and I suffer.

But then you led me beside the quiet waters, I entered into the sanctuary of the Lord.

There I understood where the road of the wicked leads. Though my foot slipped, I did not lose my footing. They will surely trip and fall down. Those who reject you will have their decisions honored and they will live separated from you for eternity. Separated from all that you are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, holiness, and more. Judgment will come for the wicked.

They will reap the evil that this world has sown, but not those who love you and live in the rest of your sovereignty. We who know you are the King will experience the green pastures and the everlasting goodness that you offer. We will share in your glory, we will inherit all that Jesus inherits. You love us so deeply, so unfathomably, and all I must do is endure a season of suffering.

It was when I entered your safe space that I realized how bitter my heart was and that I was torn up inside. How naive, how ignorant, how foolish I was to believe that you do not love me. I do not live for this world, I live for the world and the kingdom that is to come. Where there will be no more sorrows and no more pain, where every tear will be wiped away and where I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I belong to You, Father. You guide me, You love me, You care for me, You believe in me, You have faith in me. You want me to carry your glory and be a light to others, to endure the suffering, that I may triumph over it and bring glory to your name.

Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
I may become sick, and my spirit may grow weak, the world may turn against me.
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.

How good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.

 

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